After a point of time, all your senses go numb. You stop feeling or caring about anything. All that matters is absolute nothingness and complete inadequacy to enjoy the simple joys of life. That's when the bigger questions begin to hit you.
Where are you headed?
What does it all mean?
Why should you live this way?
Is this how you have chosen to live now?
Can you ever go back? Ever?
And immediately after this, you start thinking about "back then". About how things were same and yet you never complained. So why now? If you can't feel anything, what is THIS called?
Suddenly it dawns upon you that this is how it is going to be. The past, the present, the future. All amalgamate into one large drawing and while you're busy filling in the colours of your present or covering up the smudges of your past or even outlining the contours of your future, life happens. It doesn't matter what you've drawn. It would've happened had you not been so busy with your picture- fixing it, altering it, etc.
So what's the bottomline to all of this? Nothing. You live and then you die. Turn to dust. You're senses dont mean anything in the end.
What do you do now? Just go around doing what you want to do. Feel what you want to feel. The longer you waste your time being someone else, harder it will become for you to feel anything foryourself.
Be whole again. Be yourself. The world can go to hell. Dont go with it.