Saturday, October 17, 2009

Comfortably Numb

Lately, the thought of letting go of a number of things (mostly habits) have occupied my otherwise idle mind. But the fact that i'd be called a quitter has stopped me from making it happen. Everyday, i can feel the rebel in me trying to come out and confront the madness. Force me to shed the garb and speak out. But I can't. Or I won't. Because, over the past three years, I've learnt that people don't appreciate your honesty. Atleast, most of those I've met. And, honestly, i'm tired of explaining. Im done with it. But I';m also done with trying to talk to anyone. I'm beginning to get so comfortable with myself and my life that it scares me. What if i never really feel the pain? What if i miss out on some of the most important lessons in life simply because i'm comfortably cushioned away from it all? It's too easy. Everything. Too simple that it makes everything else so complex.

The year is about to end and I seem to have been able to do only a couple of the dozen things i intended to do. I just don't have time to move out of my comfort- to experience the rush of risk; the danger of spontaneity; the happiness of surviving; the sadness of letting go- to take it all in before it's tooo late. I've become a robot with a routine.

That's not how i started out. I dont crave for unnecessary excitement but only for life to happen to me at the right time.

Just in time before i go completely numb.

"I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb."