Oh Satan

Oh Satan,

Where did you go?

When the time was right

Why did'nt you show

The sweetness of evil

and the demolition of the angel

 

Oh Satan,

Why did you not come

to the burial ground

WHere we buried the good

and brought out the dead

 

Oh Satan,

Grant me one last wish

To hold them in my palm

Squeezing them alive

And while you feed on their souls

Let me drink their blood as wine

November

Have been experiencing a variety of emotions lately and all together- excitement, anger, bitterness, lusty, cheery, overwhelmed, restless, happy. The year is about to end and i can feel a storm building up. It's that time of the year when i take out my list and strike out the things i had meant to do. Unfortunately, this year, i dont think i will be striking out anything.

:(

It's November.

And i'm trying really hard not to look forward to certain things. And im trying equally hard to let go of certain things.

The Time Traveler's Wife

When it comes to the Time Traveler’s wife, you don’t know what to expect. therefore, one tends to make numerous assumptions; or atleast I did. I thought it would be science fiction with some element of romance thrown in. I expected it to contain various theories on time travel- potential cures , etc. But it is the exact opposite. The moment you start reading the first page, all your pre-conceived notions are thrown out the window.

The Time Traveler’s Wife is perhaps , one of the most beautiful book I have read in a really long time. It is a story of Henry and Clare- their journey through love, life and time. Henry travels through time and its pretty much not under his control. Clare is an artist and both have known each other their life. This book has the ability to make you fall in love, break your heart, makes you smile and before you know it, tears will be rolling down your face. For me, the book was about love. What it is and how it grows- through time, absence and distance.

The author uses Homer’s Odyssey and AS Byatt’s Possession as metaphorically explaining what Henry and Clare go through. The book in parts drags- but you’ve got to hold on. Its at the end when you know that its not wasted. Written very simply and clearly, Audrey Niffenger manages to weave together a timeless story of emotions- love, longing, loneliness, death and dreams. it is narrated in first person alternatively by Henry and Clare- you see the world through their eyes, feelings and thoughts. I finished this book on my way to work and i remember listening to my ipod while reading- strangely, when the book was about to end, U2's Stuck In A Moment began. What an apt song to sum it all up.

I am no expert in love. But if it is the way it is in this book, then yes, I want to fall in love. Even when it is not there.

I leave you with the opening lines of the book which I absolutely adore:

“Clare: It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays.

 

I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.

I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow al winter. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

 

 

Comfortably Numb

Lately, the thought of letting go of a number of things (mostly habits) have occupied my otherwise idle mind. But the fact that i'd be called a quitter has stopped me from making it happen. Everyday, i can feel the rebel in me trying to come out and confront the madness. Force me to shed the garb and speak out. But I can't. Or I won't. Because, over the past three years, I've learnt that people don't appreciate your honesty. Atleast, most of those I've met. And, honestly, i'm tired of explaining. Im done with it. But I';m also done with trying to talk to anyone. I'm beginning to get so comfortable with myself and my life that it scares me. What if i never really feel the pain? What if i miss out on some of the most important lessons in life simply because i'm comfortably cushioned away from it all? It's too easy. Everything. Too simple that it makes everything else so complex.

The year is about to end and I seem to have been able to do only a couple of the dozen things i intended to do. I just don't have time to move out of my comfort- to experience the rush of risk; the danger of spontaneity; the happiness of surviving; the sadness of letting go- to take it all in before it's tooo late. I've become a robot with a routine.

That's not how i started out. I dont crave for unnecessary excitement but only for life to happen to me at the right time.

Just in time before i go completely numb.

"I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb."

What do you do when you know you're good? I mean, really really good at what you do. Do you attempt to hide it in the shadows of other's foolishness or flaunt it full view of everyone ?

And why is it that when one attempts to flaunt their individuality, their intellect and their supreme ability to accomplish every task that comes their way- such people are labelled arrogant and aggresive?

Why can't we stand some one else's courage to stand out in the crowd and rebel? Why are we so caught up in doing things "the right way"?

And those who can't flaunt it, successfully fake it!

Tolerating someone else's success has always been a problem with us humans and will probably always be.

Just live and let live. Seriously!!

Lestat

I wrote this while watching Interview With The Vampire. This short poem, (or whatever you may wish to call it) is dedicated to Lestat..who never found love.

*********************************************************************************

Disappointed, the old vampire receded into the dark
Determined to come back to life
Or to surviving that he knew was not hard

He kept himself awake with the blood of the sweet maid
Who knew her master was ill and that her fate was made
She gave up all she had for him
Only to be turned into what others would call a sin

She loved him and so did he
Together, they set about
With dreams of conquering the world

Until one fateful day HE decided to return
Detached, cold, restless and undone
He was beautiful and clean
Like the devil, HE walked in unseen

HE was mortal and not dead
For 200years, it never seemed to end
Now HE knew he’d found his nemesis
Who lay unaware in the arms of his mistress

They dueled all night and then in the dark
She watched them with an impassive heart
It must all stop, she told herself
I must bring a closure, it must all end

And so she burned their castle down
Fell in his arms and cried out aloud
“atlast we pay for all our sins,
Let us leave as our hearts bleed”



HE watched them turn to ash and dust
As He made his way back to the world
That gave HIM no life or even death
But only the loss of a friend
HE no longer regrets

Let's Live Again

After a point of time, all your senses go numb. You stop feeling or caring about anything. All that matters is absolute nothingness and complete inadequacy to enjoy the simple joys of life. That's when the bigger questions begin to hit you.

Where are you headed?

What does it all mean?

Why should you live this way?

Is this how you have chosen to live now?

Can you ever go back? Ever?

And immediately after this, you start thinking about "back then". About how things were same and yet you never complained. So why now? If you can't feel anything, what is THIS called?

Suddenly it dawns upon you that this is how it is going to be. The past, the present, the future. All amalgamate into one large drawing and while you're busy filling in the colours of your present or covering up the smudges of your past or even outlining the contours of your future, life happens. It doesn't matter what you've drawn. It would've happened had you not been so busy with your picture- fixing it, altering it, etc.

So what's the bottomline to all of this? Nothing.  You live and then you die. Turn to dust.  You're senses dont mean anything in the end.

What do you do now? Just go around doing what you want to do. Feel what you want to feel. The longer you waste your time being someone else, harder it will become for you to feel anything foryourself.

Be whole again. Be yourself. The world can go to hell. Dont go with it.